Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
