if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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