I'll bet she douches with gravy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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