i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
