there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
