So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
birth control should be required to get into college
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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