woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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