yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
