So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
