Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
