Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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