I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
