you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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