Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
