At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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