Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
