the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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