i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
