i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
