I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
