He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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