go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
