If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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