I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize