well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
