Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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