Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
