Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
