Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
