bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
