Where is the hickey?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
