I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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