woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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