I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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