Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
