i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
