it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
