I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We had sex on a dog bed..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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