my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
