if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think my tv is drunk
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
