on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize