What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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