My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
