hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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