I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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