yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
