OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
