I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
