Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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