I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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