when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
