Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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