I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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