haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
