Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
