tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize