Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
