I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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