1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
