there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I will pee on everything he values.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
