Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Let's get the cat blown out
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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