Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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