Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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