just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
now i know why i became what i already was.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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