I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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