she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Let's get the cat blown out
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
