what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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